Matt’s Humor: Questions
Questions, We Have Questions ...
- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever the heck comes out!”
- Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its butt.”
- Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
- Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
- Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
- If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut … why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
- Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
- If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
- If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
- Are Disney World and Disneyland the only people traps operated by a mouse?
- Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
- Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, she gets mad at you, but when you take her for a car ride, she sticks her head out the window?
- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Teaching Math: 1950–2000
Teaching Math in 1950:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.
What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1960:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.
What is his profit?
Teaching Math in 1970:
A logger exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100. Each element is worth one dollar.
Make 100 dots representing the elements of the set M.
The set C, the cost of production, contains 20 fewer points than set M. Represent the set C as a subset of set M and answer the following question:
What is the cardinality of the set P of profits?
Teaching Math in 1980:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment:
Underline the number 20.
Teaching Math in 1990:
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20.
What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question:
How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees?
There are no wrong answers.
Teaching Math in 2000:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $120.
How does Arthur Andersen determine that his profit margin is $60?