Matt’s Humor: Questions

Questions, We Have Questions ...

• Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever the heck comes out!”
• Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken there? I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes out of its butt.”
• Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
• Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
• If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
• Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
• If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut … why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
• Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
• If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
• If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
• If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
• If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
• Are Disney World and Disneyland the only people traps operated by a mouse?
• Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
• Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, she gets mad at you, but when you take her for a car ride, she sticks her head out the window?
• Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?